5 tips and actions for managing your impostor syndrome
Penelope Jones returns this week with her guidance on how to both manage and ease the discomfort of impostor syndrome.
Last week, I shared a touch about my experience of impostor syndrome around some of my work in recent times. The incredible Penelope Jones (pictured above), founder of My So-Called Career, shared her wisdom about what it is, why so many of us suffer from it, and whether it’s more or less likely in a nascent field such as sustainable fashion, as this newsletter is focused on.
Penny is my incredible career coach and friend. In her own words, she got fed up seeing brilliant women experiencing overwhelm, anxiety and self-doubt at work without support, and decided to do something about it.
Her resulting company, My So-Called Career, helps women build sustainable relationships with work. It is built on the belief that all of us should have access to the coaching and career support we need to take ownership of our careers, because no one other than us gets to determine the limits of our potential.
I couldn’t be any more all-for this, so this week, Penny is back and this time with some direct tips for how to overcome, or indeed manage and ease the discomfort of impostor syndrome.
Tip 1: Accept you’re only human - a glorious and messy work in progress
Get comfortable with allowing yourself space to learn and to embrace your imperfection.
ACTION: Practice statements like “I don’t know either, let’s work it out together”, “I don’t feel confident doing that on my own yet, here’s how you can help me”, and recognise that your own expectations for yourself will almost certainly be higher than anyone else’s.
Tip 2: Recognise and reframe unhelpful thoughts
Recognising the impostor feelings and taking time to reflect on the situations when you are more likely to experience them can help you understand where your self-doubt is really coming from. In many cases it might be a perfectly natural response to a new or challenging situation rather than something to be ‘diagnosed’. Then you can accept the discomfort more easily, harness it or channel it into positive motivation rather than allowing it to paralyse you.
ACTION: When unhelpful thoughts come into your mind, capture them with a note about the Facts, Feelings and Physical Environment of the experience. Then, when you are feeling more neutral or positive, return to them and practice turning them on their head.
For instance, if the thought of standing up and giving a presentation triggers the thought that “I’ll stand up and they’ll realise I have no idea what I’m talking about” – you could turn this around to “I feel uncertain about this, but public speaking is a really common fear, and I’ve done plenty of research so it will probably be fine” or “I feel nervous, but that is natural because this is a new skill I’m learning”.
Try to visualise yourself nailing it. Visualisation can be such a powerful tool in these situations, but all too often we spend our time focusing on what could go wrong instead. Then ask yourself what scaffolding you might need to help you feel more comfortable – perhaps you could ask someone you trust to give you feedback on your presentation, or dry run a Q&A session with you?
Tip 3: Start a feedback file and save positive feedback, comments and compliments
When impostor syndrome strikes, fight back with evidence to the contrary. If you don't trust your own assessment of the situation because of this “incorrect assessment of your worthiness and successes”, it’s much harder to disregard the words of others, especially those who have no reason to pander to your ego. The same is true when you feel you fluked your way into a new job or promotion - actually you most likely went through a really robust recruitment process conducted by people who really know their stuff. And they chose YOU.
ACTION: Get into a habit of saving praise, achievements, feedback and comments on your work in a file so you can come back to it when you need a confidence boost. You can also use them externally to help your work speak for itself.
Highlight the things you are proud of – reflecting either weekly or monthly on what felt really good and why. If your work is worthy of other people’s praise, chances are it's worthy of yours too.
Tip 4: Don’t suffer in silence
Shame over how we’re feeling can keep us silent, when naming what’s going on can be far more helpful. That said, sharing alone won’t solve the problem, so don’t fall into the trap of getting stuck here. Talking helps normalise the way you feel, but you can’t talk yourself out of impostor syndrome – for that, you need to take action.
ACTION: Focus on building strong networks, both inside and outside the workplace, within which you can be honest about how you’re feeling (like this one!). Rather than co-ruminating or commiserating, challenge each other to take action, and provide accountability and support.
Tip 5: Let feeling follow action
Don’t wait until you feel confident to start stepping up. No matter how talented or experienced you are, there will always be times when you will need to wing it. Instead of seeing this as proof positive that you don’t deserve the opportunity, think of it as a skill you can acquire. Growth and courage come from taking risks, so change your behaviour first and you’ll be rewarded by feeling your confidence build each time you step outside your comfort zone.
ACTION: Make a list of things that feel challenging or uncomfortable to you. Rank them from ‘Mild Peril’ to ‘Terror Territory’. Start to look for opportunities to do the things you’ve classified as mild. As you get used to putting yourself out there in a way that feels safe and manageable, you’ll see your comfort zone grow, and things that were once firmly in terror territory drop down to be replaced by new challenges.
Where else can we go to read more about this?
There are two absolutely brilliant articles on impostor syndrome that I can’t recommend highly enough:
The New Yorker - Why everyone feels like they’re faking it is a glorious critical deep dive into the ubiquity of impostor syndrome.
Harvard Business Review - Stop telling women they have impostor syndrome is one of the most downloaded articles ever published by HBR and questions the legitimacy of impostor syndrome as an individual rather than systemic issue.
Both challenge the sense of impostor syndrome as a #girlboss badge of honour, which is so important in developing sustainable relationships with work.
For a refreshing take on women’s ambition and the myriad ways we get in our own way no matter our age, stage or status; Viv Groskop’s Lift As You Climb and almost any episode of her podcast How To Own The Room are wonderful, and what I recommend as the primers on career confidence for my clients, Tara Mohr’s Playing Big and Brene Brown’s Dare To Lead.
Any final words of wisdom?
You’re not an impostor and your feelings and experiences are not a syndrome. This stuff is hard and yet here you are, showing up and doing your best despite an unlevel playing field and a rule book that for the most part hasn’t been written. Keep it up. You’ve got this.
You can follow Penny on Linkedin here, and find out more about her work supporting women in their careers via My So Called Career.